Arsene Wenger's deadline day text messages

With important transfer business still needing to be done, Arsene Wenger spent deadline day in Rome for the Pope's Match for Peace. The following is a transcript of the text messages exchanged by Wenger and Arsenal chief executive Ivan Gazidis throughout the day. 

Wenger: Please keep me informed today, Ivan. Maybe a good deed on this day will bring us good karma. Does the Pope believe in karma? :-/

Gazidis: I don't think so. Not sure.

Wenger: Grrrrr.

Gazidis: Don't worry Arsene, I'm confident things will go our way today. I'll keep you posted.
Wenger: Thx.
****
Gazidis: Danny Welbeck's here with the England squad. His agent offered him to us. Interested?
Wenger: Lololololololololol.
Gazidis: Ok.
Wenger: What's the dealio with Falcao?
Gazidis: Monaco want a £10m loan fee, player wants £346,000 a week. Man Utd, maybe City also interested.
Wenger: For a 28-year-old with one knee? Let United have him. They can tie him and Van Persie together and create one player with two good knees on four times the wages.
Gazidis: Haha ok.
Wenger: :-))
****
Wenger: Any other forwards? I'm starting to get the Sanogo sweats...
Gazidis: Welbeck could be best option. Wants a permanent deal, no loan. United closing in on Falcao.
Wenger: Uggggghhhhhh. Roberto Baggio is here. Maybe I should ask him to come out of retirement.
Gazidis: Haha.
Wenger: Baggio said no. Damn.
Wenger: Shevchenko overheard my offer, but I avoided his attempts to make eye contact.
****
Gazidis: So...Welbeck?
Wenger: Uggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. There's a little kid sitting behind me. I'll ask him if he wants to play for us.
Gazidis: I'll have Welbeck do a medical just in case.
Wenger: Kid doesn't speak English. Had no idea what I was saying.
Wenger: Ok on Welbeck medical. Just deny it if anyone asks. ;-)
Gazidis: Will do.
Wenger: ;-)
****
Gazidis: Running out of time...
Wenger: Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Gazidis: Go on Welbeck? Also, I just remembered that you said you wanted a center back a couple weeks ago.
Wenger: Fine. Yes. Welbeck could work maybe. He's young. He's been playing out of position. Maybe United didn't F him up too much. Ok, let's do this. This could work. Whatever.
Wenger: Just don't pay more than what Liverpool paid for Balotelli. That comparison could make this deal look better for us when Mario decides he wants to be a chef in Tibet next year.
Wenger: As for CB...William Gallas still unattached?
Gazidis: Are you being serious? Sarcasm sometimes gets lost in text messages.
Wenger: Yes. Serious. :-/

****

Gazidis: Welbeck done. Have a statement for the press release?

Wenger: No thanks.

Gazidis: Ok. Here's the release. 

Wenger: Lost the charity match...thanks for asking.

Gazidis: Sorry.

Wenger: Never relying on Pope karma again.